Claiming Voice Through Intuition

I sat on the chair next to my husband who was gazing at me with concerned eyes.  The music blared through the open doorway – powerful, energizing, transcendant music.  Every so often I looked left through the doorway and saw the dancers spinning, their faces and bodies radiating the joy of their souls.

I longed to be with them but I was in pain.  It was my lower abdomen – again.  Full of gas and cramps, preventing me from doing what I love most.  I had been working so hard to heal and I was still struggling.  It was a low moment for me.

“We can just go back to our room,” said my sweet husband, who I knew wanted to be dancing and celebrating just as much as I did.  But the still voice within said, “No.  I don’t want to go to the room.  And I’m not able to dance right now.  It’s ok, I’ll just sit here and hang out in limbo space and wait for what’s next.”

A few minutes later my husband went to the bathroom and it was then, sitting alone, that I spotted Alena, a woman I met very briefly the day before.  And it was then, without thinking, that I arose and followed my impulse to go say hello to her.

It was odd that I chose to do this.  Up to this point I didn’t have any interest in connecting with new people.  Unlike other retreats where I thrived on making new connections, during this retreat I spent some time with old friends but mostly, I just wanted to be in a marital bubble.

But suddenly there we were, me and Alena, and when she asked “How are you?” I told her the truth.  “Generally I’m good but right now I’m having this terrible pain in my abdomen and I can’t dance.”

Alena’s eyes widened and with fierce leadership she said, “Come with me.  Let’s take care of that.”  And so we did.  We found an open space and kneeled on the floor.  With pure generosity and loving kindness, Alena taught me an abdominal massage, connecting acupressure points with breath.

It turned out that abdominal massage is one of Alena’s specialities.  My heart was so full of gratitude it felt hard to contain.  Once again I had been sent an angel.  I was being given just what I needed in a dark, scary, and fragile moment.  The angel was bringing me a message of hope and possibility.  I was reminded that there is always something else, someone else, that can guide me to the next piece of the puzzle.

By the end of the self-massage, my pain was gone and I was ready to go in and dance.

And so we did.  It felt amazing to be in my power again.  I’m aware that being reconnected with my power began with that moment of intuition when the still voice within told me to stay in my chair, and then to rise and connect.

But the story doesn’t end there.  Alena is also an Ayurvedic healer, and just knowing that sent me down a path of following Ayurvedic practices that I’ve been aware of, but not acting on, for years.  They’re really helping me.

Healing my gut is not a linear process and I still struggle, but I’ve experienced dramatic improvements since this fateful night.  It doesn’t pass by me that it was my gut instinct that led me to Alena, and it was Alena who introduced me to my next level of gut-love.