My son has a way of causing my heart to burst open like no one else. This part of parenting is so wonderful. My son can also trigger my deepest distress. This part of parenting is so hard, especially when you come from a long line of women who worry.
My son was born with gut issues and feet issues. A gigantic portion of my time, energy, and money has been spent on helping his gut heal and stay in balance, as well as physical therapy and podiatrists.
While all of his issues can cause challenges in the present, if not addressed adequately, they can create tremendous problems for him as he ages.
I spent years in a chronic state of worry about his health and his physical development. Every moment was a moment of prevention – what do I need to do now to make sure things don’t get worse and cause more suffering later.
Except that I was suffering with this approach, and my son was suffering from my anxiety about his situation. My worry impacted my sleep, my ability to experience joy, my ability to experience ease in moments when all was actually well.
I am thrilled to say that as of today, this is no longer the case. I am now able to support my son without the constant underlying buzz of distress.
I attribute this to 3 things: my commitment to changing this dynamic, my commitment to learning from my predicament, and the Bach Flower Remedy Red Chestnut.
Dr. Bach’s description of Red Chestnut is:
“For those who find it difficult not to be anxious for other people. Often they have ceased to worry about themselves, but for those of whom they are fond they may suffer much, frequently anticipating that some unfortunate thing may happen to them.”
The Bach Centre adds this:
“Red Chestnut fears are natural, normal concerns magnified to the point where they have a negative effect on the people who are the object of concern, undermining their confidence and self-belief.”
When we’re working with Red Chestnut, this is the shift that happens: we’re able to attend to an issue, while transmitting calm energy to our loved ones. We become steady guides. Others can lean on us and learn from us. We support from a full well.
My experience was exactly this. It didn’t happen overnight, but with persistence I was able to transform my worry into being a strong, compassionate guide for my son in the area of self-care. The process of looking inward while taking the remedy also helped me stay connected with the spiritual perspective that my son is on his own path, with his particular predicaments, and my job is to help him learn how to navigate those in an empowered way. I cannot save him from his challenges, but I can help him see them as opportunities for growth.
When we work with the remedies for a long time, the shift is long lasting. Every so often I witness myself entering into the worry space, but now I am able to interrupt that and reconnect with my deeper knowing. It may be that in the future something will happen that will trigger my worry again in an acute way. Should that be the case, I know I can return to Red Chestnut. Then I will learn more about how to achieve equilibrium when hard things happen.